4 Unwritten Rules Of The Southern Baptist Church

Growing up in a small Southern Baptist Church, you learn some things. There are rules that you can only learn by observing. Here are my observations over the years as a church member and also as a pastor. (Ps: these are all a joke)

1.) If the song leader doesn’t ask you to stand, you better not move.

We fail at this one too much. This is the most important rule that we break too many times. If the worship set is going to consist of four songs while we sing all four verses, you better not stand unless he tells you to! But what do Southern Baptist tend to do? It’s like riding a bike, it’s natural, as soon as the piano or music begins to play we stand right up to our feet. Listen, there’s few times where the song leader will start the song without telling you to stand to your feet. Paul lays it out for us in Colossians 4:5 when he said “make the most of every opportunity.” Make the most of these opportunities when the song leader messes up and doesn’t tell you to stand, you better stay seated!

2.) If you don’t want something told, you better keep quiet!

So this is a more serious rule, but a true one and an important one. The Baptist Church like any other church falls prey to gossip and what gossip does is form cliques and then cliques can lead to the quick destruction of a church. So simply put, people are going to find out if they want to know bad enough, especially in small churches. So if you don’t want someone to know something, then don’t tell anybody because the moment you do everybody else is going to find out!

3.) It doesn’t matter what anyone may say, we all know that the church Fish Fry is one of the most important days of the year.

Oh man, the church fish fry. I swear people come out of the woodworks for the church fish fry. You’ll see people you didn’t even know were members of your church, but claim to be! You’ll see visitors you’ll never see again. All because of some free fish! I don’t care what anyone says, we all know deep down inside that every man in the church looks forward to the church fish fry. I’ve seen it and if you’ve been to one you’ve seen it too. They all huddle around the frier waiting for the guy cooking the fish to finish cooking it so they can get the hottest piece of fish and maybe even a hush puppy to"taste test it." If I had to take a guess, I’d say the three most attended services for churches would have to be Easter, Christmas, and then whatever day they have the church fish fry. The sad thing is that it’s supposed to be a social event, but nobody can talk because they’re stuffing their faces with fried fish and white beans! Talk about gluttony! I’m just playing. This is the day of the year where I eat the least, I hate fish!

4.) If there is an church related event where there is food involved, there’s going to be every casserole you can imagine on the kitchen counter.

So the fish fry is the exception to this rule because nobody wants broccoli casserole with fried fish. You better believe that if there is a fellowship meal or even a death or sickness in a family within the church, that a casserole of some sort is going to show up on the kitchen counter at church or in the fridge at your house. Next time there is a church potluck meal, I challenge you to count the number of casseroles sitting on the kitchen counter. You’ll be amazed. There will be everything from a chicken casserole to brussel sprout casserole. It’s like there’s a way for us to take every healthy vegetable you can think of and put it in a casserole to make it unhealthy! It amazes me. And don’t you for one second think that little Mrs. Cassidy Casserole won’t get offended if you don’t take a bite of her dish that she brought, because she will. You better take a bite of the dish that she brought or you’ll be in hot water! The worst part about all the casseroles comes when you are the pastor. It’s like you’re a food critic doing a taste test! You hope and pray nobody poisoned anything, just kidding! Come on laugh with me. But seriously as the pastor you have to taste all the side dishes and all the casseroles to make everyone that made one happy. But that’s not the worst part. The worst part comes when it’s time to go home, guess who everyone sends the leftover casserole that

they brought to church home with, that’s right, the pastor. I honestly believe I’ve seen every casserole the Baptist Church can throw at me.

I hope you’ve enjoyed this, not taken this seriously at all, and I pray that this is a fun start to your day today!